In our last post, we looked at the viral “Room of Ten” analogy and how silence and passive laughter from the majority of people in a room actually normalise harassment and make environments unsafe. It’s a heavy realization that just by staying quiet, we can become complicit in letting harmful behavior slide. In other words, it’s as good as you have done it.
But once we recognise that silence is part of the problem, the next question is: How do we actually fix it? How do we move from being one of the “four silent men” to being an active ally?
The research shows that bystander intervention is one of the most effective tools we have to change the culture. Here is how we can put that into practice.
1. Master the Tools of Intervention
Speaking up doesn’t always mean starting a confrontation. Research highlights several safe and effective ways to intervene, often referred to in bystander training as the “Three Ds”:
• Directly Confronting: This is the most straightforward approach—telling someone their “joke” or behaviour isn’t okay.
• Distracting: If a situation feels tense, you can interrupt the flow by creating a diversion. This can be as simple as changing the subject or asking a random question to break the momentum of the harassment.
• Delegating: You don’t have to do it alone. You can ask a friend, a colleague, or someone in authority to help you address the situation.
2. Overcoming the “Diffusion of Responsibility”
One of the biggest reasons people stay silent is something psychologists call “diffusion of responsibility”. This happens when everyone in a group assumes that someone else will handle the problem.
When we wait for a “leader” to speak up, we often end up with a room full of people waiting for each other, while the harassment continues unchecked. To break this cycle, you have to decide that you are the someone else. When you take the lead, it creates a “ripple effect,” making others feel more responsible and empowered to join you in the future.
3. Why Your Voice Matters (The Proof)
It can feel like one small comment won’t change the world, but the numbers tell a different story. In the U.S., bystander programs have been shown to reduce sexual violence by 10-20%.
• The “Green Dot” program, which specifically trains bystanders, helped reduce violence rates by 17-21% over several years.
• In college settings, programs like “Bringing in the Bystander” have significantly lowered the acceptance of violence and made students much more willing to step in when they see something wrong.
4. The Urgency in South Africa
In South Africa, where gender-based violence (GBV) is a national emergency, these interventions are not just “nice to have”—they are life-saving.
• With over 7.3 million women (33%) having experienced GBV in their lifetimes, we cannot afford to remain silent.
• The fact that over 50% of South Africans have experienced intimate partner violence by age 28 shows how pervasive this issue is within our social circles.
• In just one three-month period in 2024, 957 women were murdered.
By challenging the “jokes” and passive behaviors in our everyday lives, we are directly attacking the cultural norms that allow this violence to flourish.
Taking the First Step
Change doesn’t happen overnight; it requires ongoing and widespread education to truly shift a culture. If you are in South Africa, start by educating yourself on local resources like the GBV Command Centre (0800 428 428).
The next time you’re in that “Room of Ten” and someone makes a degrading comment, remember: Your voice is the one that can break the silence.
Parting shot:
Analogy for clarity: Think of a bystander like a circuit breaker in a home. When there is a surge of dangerous electricity (harassment), the circuit breaker’s job is to trip and stop the flow before it causes a fire. You don’t need to be the power company to save the house; you just need to be the one small switch that chooses to interrupt the current.
Tell us of your experience.
Leave a Reply